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How to Set up a Successful Bribery Scheme

By Lafe Tolliver, Esq
Guest Column 

     You know…the plumber has his wrenches, the baker has his pans, the gardener has his wheelbarrow and the janitor has his slop bucket and brushes.

      But yet, you must wonder what does the accomplished person who purportedly receives bribes as a public official, what does she or he have in the kit bag that is utilized to pull off a successful heist?

      For one, we’ve got to establish the proper names or terms for those who engage in any such nefarious conduct. Let us for purposes of this article, label the person who gives the alleged bribe (money or goods and services or influences), the “Briber” and the person who accepts the bribe, the “Bribee.”

Lafe Tolliver, Esq

     Simple enough, yes? And then, let us call what they do, a “scheme”.

Now, we need to label what happens when a Briber and a Bribee meet in a scheme.

     The first thing is, “what is the pitch?” That is, what is being offered in exchange for a favor, muscle, influence or, sometimes, just a diversion so that others are not wise to what is really going on.

Now, you gotta understand the makeup of a Briber and it is usually defined in the following categories:

(1) Swagger: How a Bribee acts when he thinks that he can con you into giving him something of worth or value. Oh, he smiles and cajoles you and lets you believe that he’s got lightning in a bottle and for the price of $$$, it can be yours!

     The Bribee must convince you that he or she is an authoritative figure and that your submission to that power is critical if the Bribee is to pull off this caper. At times, tough talk is needed to convince you that no bridge is to far for him to cross if that is what it takes to convince you that he can pull off the scam.

     He talks in convincing tones of knowing what is what and he conflates his importance as if he were the only person that you need to speak with.

(2) Settings: The Bribee needs to impress you with his wealth or status, so he normally wines and dines you to create the impression that he has it all together and you too can share in part of the illusion that you are dealing with the top dog who can make things happen!

(3) Smokescreens: In their arsenal of deceit and deception, some Bribees go to great lengths to project the aura that they are the real McCoys and if that takes fake luxurious settings or fabulous meals at high class restaurants, so be it. The plan is to have you breathe in their spiels that they is able to produce or deliver the votes or the goods!

(4) Now, for the Briber, it is important that he believes the “game” or at least lies and plays the part of doing small steps to show that he is willing to go all the way and consummate the deal.

Once the Bribee sees that the Briber is gullible to take the bait and be reeled in, the Bribee knows that the “ask” or what he or she wants from the Briber, is almost a guarantee!

(5) The Bribee must give the Briber the feeling that his confidence in the Bribee is not mistaken and that the Bribee can deliver and deliver on time. Of course, the Bribee will convince the Briber that all is well and what is being conducted is not illegal but rather, “this is how business is done, and no one will know”.

    Now the Bribee knows that there are rules of the trade for this scheming game and he must be a perfectionist in executing those rules or the Briber will smell the offal and will quickly back out.

Rule One: When exchanging money, do not use napkins or magazines or newspapers! When you meet for the all-important money exchange, look bored and weary and use a box of chocolates as your cover. Laugh out loud when you make the exchange so anyone nearby will record it as a friendly cordial meeting and not a bribe happening under their nose!

Rule Two: When at a restaurant, sit in a dark corner and arrive before the Briber so that you can control the seating arrangements which means that you sit facing the front door so you can make sure that the Briber arrives by himself or herself.

     If someone is with the Briber whom you do not recognize, cough as if you have something stuck in your throat and go to the restroom, gagging as you go…and then promptly find an exit!

Rule Three: If the Briber offers cash, do not reach for it”! Rather ask him to wire the funds to the special account you set up and look away while the Briber places the cash back in his vest pocket. Breathe a sigh of relief and only then order the shrimp cocktail with a glass of Pinot Grigio.

Rule Four: If all else fails and you are busted by the authorities, play calm and repeatedly tell the FEDS that you had no idea that the Briber was a corrupt person and that you are outraged that anyone would think that you would engage in such reprehensible conduct!

Rule Five: If that ploy does not work and you are indicted for conduct unbecoming your position of public trust or authority, simply call me and I can arrange for you to wire me, as attorney fees, the titles to your cars, your house, the balance in your 401k plan and what savings you have and also a signed promissory note that I will fill in!

    Is this a deal or what! 

Contact Lafe Tolliver at tolliver@juno.com





Copyright © 2019 by [The Sojourner's Truth]. All rights reserved.
Revised: 07/30/20 11:07:04 -0400.

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