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“I wasn't financially ready. I already knew I didn’t want to go to
school, so it was pretty much wondering how I was going to
be successful without going to school. How was I going to
make a life, because that was basically the only way that I
knew, but it wasn’t for me.”
Mr. Ryder started working at a minimum-wage job so he could save money
and prepare for his child.
Moving back to Toledo, he didn’t have a good support system. His mother
was really the only person he could rely on, but she worked
a lot. He expressed that he could never find a babysitter,
and with him working to bring in a source of income, a lot
of weight fell on his co-parent, which created a strain on
their relationship.
Mr. Ryder had his second child at 20 years old and his third child at
22.
The first two co-parenting relationships were rocky.
“Our communication just wasn’t good enough and we held ill-will towards
each other because things didn’t work out.”
By the time he reached his third child, the co-parenting relationship
with that child’s mother was more grounded.
“I became more grounded and more mature. Becoming a father, I just
realized how patient I am and optimistic I am and how strong
I can be.”
Although he didn’t see his kids often, Mr. Ryder was still dedicated to
becoming a better father. He heard about Brothers United
through a family friend and decided to join. He credits the
program with helping him see things from a different
perspective.
“When I went to Brothers United, there were similar situations to let me
know I wasn’t the only one going through those incidents. It
let me know I’m not alone and, like myself, there are other
men trying to become better.”
From hearing stories from the other fathers, Mr. Ryder was able to
understand how he could have dealt with situations in his
life differently.
Through Brothers United, he learned how to handle business and become a
better father overall. He realized that he needed to start
taking other people’s feelings into consideration,
especially his co-parents’, before making decisions.
When asked what advice Mr. Ryder had for fathers in the BU program or
fathers thinking about joining, he said, “Get really active
and make sure you’re actually into it and want to make a
change. That’s really who it’s for. You just gotta be ready
to step up.”
Mr. Ryder graduated from Brothers United in 2017. He now works at
Chrysler and sees his kids weekly. He says their
relationships have grown a lot and overall, he’s become a
better father.
“Now, as a father, my kids are definitely my main focus. I make sure
that how I move is due to being a parent, and I make sure
they are focused and I have the ability to take care of
them. You just want to do right by your children.”
If you are
interested in joining The Brothers United Program or have
someone you want to refer : Call us at (4199) 279-6297 or
www.pathwaytoledo.org
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