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As a child myself and
many of you have probably heard the words, “sticks and
stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” My
personal experience as a child, yes I was bullied for many
reasons, I was hurt by sticks and stones and often fought
for reasons unbeknownst to me for whatever reason the other
child decided to use me as a beating stick for their own
anger, most likely brought on by their own family
dysfunction.
Children learn from
adult behavior. They repeat what they hear, they repeat the
behavior. If they are unfortunate in growing up in a
household of abuse whether it be physical, mental,
emotional, sexual or verbal, they will follow the same
path. There is no such thing as a bad child. What does
exist is bad parenting. Yet children are reprimanded for
bullying, for calling other’s names they can’t even spell
and their belief system becomes that of the
parents/caregiver’s behavior.
I recently had the
experience of a family member, a church going person, tell
me that if I spoke to my child as others did in her
household he would behave more properly. The debate
consisted of me asking her why she would allow a guest in
her home to speak to her young children in a manner in which
an adult would curse out another in a club.
Choice words I am
unable to pronounce in this publication but let’s just say
the “F” word, the “B” word, the “Get the F out of her word
and sit your “MF ass down.” I was appalled. My thoughts
were this individual was instilling in her children a belief
system of unfavorable mention creating low self- esteem, low
confidence and anger.
I reprimand my children
when they make bad choices. I do not see the positive in
utilizing words children cannot spell let alone wish to
repeat. In social settings and in school these children
begin to repeat those words and behaviors and are then
reprimanded by educators and the parents/caregivers then
want to punish them for their behavior.
Children need love,
attention and discipline. Discipline is in no way
associated with hateful words that will follow them through
adulthood along with anger, rage, hate, low-self esteem and
overall bullying. Children are gifts from God and deserve
to be raised in an atmosphere contingent upon trust and
again love. Children make mistakes, adults make mistakes
and forgiveness and an explanation of right doing will make
all the difference of our future generations of children who
will one day be our own caretakers and leaders of this
world. When we do and say ugly, disrespectful things to
others, it’s merely a reflection of what’s inside of us.
Sticks and stones may
break our bones but words, words can destroy a child’s
future and fulfil a negative belief system. Take a mental
health moment and choose your words and behavior carefully
around our most precious commodity of our future……children.
“There can be no keener revelation of a society’s soul than
the way in which it treats its children.”
— Nelson Mandela, Former President of South Africa
This article is dedicated to all the adults who suffered the
negative impact of negative words, who now struggle to heal
from a negative belief system instilled in them by adults
who either knew no better or had no business in having or
raising a child. To the children who now suffer from the
negative impact of these deplorable acts, it is not your
fault, you are not bad, you are a beautiful child with a
bright future. Love yourself and ignore the ignorance of
those who project their faults, anger and hate upon you.
You are blessed and protected beyond those who wish harm….Karma
(what goes around comes around) is a…….let’s just say not a
nice thing.
Bernadette
Graham is a Licensed Professional Mental Health Counselor,
National Certified Counselor and Certified Grief Recovery
Specialist. Provide feedback or reach out at
graham.bernadette@gmail.com For appointment information
please call 419.409.4929 (Telehealth is available for
ongoing and new clients at this time).
www.bjgrahamcounseling.com
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