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How To Influence The Black
Voter.
I am proud to say
that the feedback that I have received from novice white
politicos has been hugely favorable and they have indicated
that but for my secret memo, they would be at wit’s end to
even know how to approach the black voter.
So, with some
hesitation, I have released the below talking points in the
interest of full disclosure on all things political. Maybe
with these “talking points” white politicos will not appear
as a clueless zebra in a herd of hungry lions!
ONE: When you enter a room
full of black folks, don’t walk in with a nervous grin on
your face as if you are about to be mugged. Smile but don’t
grin! Showing off your latest dental work does not
successfully work a room!
TWO: When you appear at
black events, you need to have someone in your entourage who
is black and who is not just carrying your briefcase. If you
appear with an all-white cast, you are stating the obvious
which is you are without a modicum of intelligence as to the
visual optics of needing to hire people of color to be
around you and thoroughly engaged in your campaign.
THREE: Whatever you do,
don’t try to mimic any phony solidarity by attempting a
“brutha” handshake! Be natural and give the standard
European two pump handshake. It is what you are used to
giving so stick with it.
FOUR: Regardless of how
tempting it maybe, do not try to use colloquial statements
about black people that some black people use. For example,
don’t say, “I’m down wid it!” Not good … not good at all.
Stay in your lane and speak like you were speaking at that
stuffy downtown white Rotary Club.
FIVE: If you were born
with both a silver spoon and gold spoon in your mouth, don’t
manufacture some tear sobbing story from your past that you
think will get you immediate street cred.
It won’t. You can not
create a past that you did not live in.
SIX: If dancing music
comes on, please do not believe that you must, “move with
the music!” Politely, take a pass and enjoy others enjoying
the moment. If prodded to do so, simply tell the host that
you have two left feet and laugh at yourself.
SEVEN: In the event that
some rowdies want to take your space on the stage, resist
that hustle by standing firm and make direct eye contact
with the ruffians that says, “That ain’t happening on my
watch!”
EIGHT: When making
campaign promises, do not make a blood pledge for or against
reparations. Unless you have studied the issue, in depth,
you best line is to say, “Fairness was not done to the
former slaves and I will appoint a commission to make
recommendations.”
NINE: If a meal is served,
eat whatever is placed before you, yes, even if it is
chitlin’s, cornbread and greasy fatback! A hearty taste is
all that is required, or you will come across as a food
snob.
TEN: If you are asked to
comment upon any black historical figures such as Fredrick
Douglass or Malcolm X or Fannie Lou Hamer and you are
without a clue, say so and how you need to bone up on
American History. Whatever you do, don’t under any
circumstances confuse Thurgood Marshall with Clarence
Thomas!
That alone could cost you
the election.
ELEVEN: If you are a gay
candidate, never, never, ever try to equalize your sexual
orientation with the oppression and degradation of slavery,
Jim Crow or present-day American segregation that black
Americans still suffer under.
TWELVE: For some initial
primary reading material, start off with: Why We Can’t
Wait, The Autobiography of Malcolm X, The New Jim Crow, The
Fire The Next Time, Stony Road, The Mis Education of the
Negro, A Lesson Before Dying, Stamped From The Beginning
and the Condemnation of Blackness.
There you have it!
There are more tips, but the above primer will get you
headed in the right direction.
And remember to keep
this following tip on the front of your brain: Under no
circumstance or in any situation and no matter how provoked
you could become, never ever utter the words, “You People!”
Best way yet to lose your audience.
Contact Lafe Tolliver at
tolliver@juno.com
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