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A Mental Health Moment
By Bernadette Joy Graham, MA, LPC, NCC
Certified Grief Recovery Specialist
The Truth Contributor
Acceptance is an
important aspect in our human existence. One of my favorite
quotes is “God grant me the serenity to accept the things
I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and
the wisdom to know the difference.” There are so many
things in our lives we can and cannot change and it often
brings us torment and challenge.
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Bernadette Joy Graham,
MA, LPC, NCC |
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As a black woman, I cannot
change the fact that I am black. None of us can change our
family of origin and on another note, none of us can change
our past. Yet there are so many things we can change. We
can make better choices for our futures. We can decide to
marry, have children, who to marry, how many children and
jobs and careers.
Without the
understanding of what we have the power over of to change or
not, it can bring with it a whole host of frustration,
anger, hatred. Negative emotions that will affect our lives
and quality of life for our entire existence. Blaming
ourselves and others who really are just there for the
simple fact of blame.
For example, a black
woman prepares for a job by completing educational
requirements, researching the company, prepares an
outstanding resume, dresses appropriately and arrives 15
minutes early. She does not get the job and at this point
of her thought process possibly she turns to “I did not
receive the job because of my skin color.” Which is highly
possible but then anger sets in, as it should and as an
adult, we have all had those moments.
There is so much she
could change, maybe a better resume, maybe a different suit,
or even better answers to the interview questions but in her
mind, our minds we may first attribute our failure of
receiving the job to our skin color. Something we can never
change throughout our life time. Over time, this affects
our mental and emotional health especially if it happens
often.
So, what can we
change in this scenario? It is not always our skin color
and we can take this type of situation several ways. We can
become more and more angry believing it is our skin color,
we can become hopeless and feel we will never gain the job
we desire, or deserve and hold a sense of worth. Or we can
continue by not giving up on something we can never change.
Instead we boost up our resume, we seek out additional
education and training but one of the most important things
we can do is change our perspective. Our perspective gives
us the power to change ANYTHING!
As a counselor, I work
with clients with many, many issues especially when it comes
to losses such as divorce, death, and finances. You as an
individual, know what you are working with. You know what
you can change, you know what you cannot change. Change
what you can. Leave the past in the past, learn from your
mistakes…. We all make them and will continue to do so as we
are human.
Take a mental health
moment….or two and take note about those issues in your life
that you can and cannot change. It can make the difference
in your quality of life, your happiness and a deeper
understanding of you. Afterall, counseling is a large
component of understanding you and it makes those around you
who love you and care for you easier to communicate and
assist you in your times of need. We can’t change
everything, but those things we can change starts within.
And may God grant you that serenity to accept the things
you cannot change, change the things you can and the wisdom
to know the difference.
Bernadette Graham
is a Licensed Professional Counselor, National Certified
Counselor and Certified Grief Recovery Specialist.
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