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None of that made sense to
me and I did not want my mother in a better place I wanted
her with me. Throughout my life journey, I met other young
women who had also lost their mother at a young age. While
each of our experiences were unique, there were many
commonalities such as the incapacity to have a healthy
relationship as an adult, mood swings, angry outbursts and
during holidays and anniversaries isolation. We began to
realize that something was happening to us that was holding
us back from enjoying our lives fully.
As I journeyed through my
academic career in Psychology and Counseling, I began to
focus on grief related topics. This allowed me to
understand the process of grief and how to help others who
were suffering from grief and loss related issues.
Grief is not considered a
diagnosis because it is not a disorder. While it may be
debilitating, grief and loss can be worked through so that
you can live a life of hope and happiness. When you have
lost a loved one or a significant part of your life, there
is no medication or magic wand that will conceal the pain.
When your heart is broken, there is no denying the cause.
Many individuals will say, “I just don’t think about it and
I just stay busy,” or “time will heal.” Not acknowledging
the pain will only cause more harm. There are stages of
grief and there are various types of grief. Many symptoms
of grief can often mimic those of depression, bi-polar or
anxiety. Individuals can be misdiagnosed due to the
symptoms if not honest with the counselor in what you have
experienced.
Children grieve as well
and often adults expect them to just return to school and
get over it and I can personally attest that that is not the
best route of help. There are children losing their parents
daily due to the opiate epidemic, crimes and illnesses.
There are more children in the foster care system than can
be assisted. I will never forget my experience in losing my
mother suddenly so many years ago, but I learned to grieve
and process that major loss of my life. Take a mental
health moment and give yourself or others the opportunity to
grieve by first acknowledging the pain and the experience.
There are professionals that can help this process. There
are also many books on the topic of healing through grief.
We all plan our lives to go according to how we want and
wish to live. We will never be able to change the
experience that broke our hearts, but we can change how we
respond to the experience and begin to re-write our lives as
they now exist.
Ms. Graham is a Licensed Professional Counselor, National
Certified Counselor and Certified Grief Recovery Specialist.
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