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When she was in business school, Foster, a psychiatrist, was
often amused and pleased to be a go-to person when conflicts
arose. Classmates constantly asked for help in dealing with
others who rankled them, and she was usually successful in
smoothing ruffled feathers and feelings. So what are her
secrets?
First of all, she says, don’t assume that people are being
jerks on purpose. Most folks act one way or other when they
think they’re doing the right thing, or because they haven’t
been told any differently. Oftentimes, they don’t know
they’re bugging someone with their behavior, so Foster
advocates compassion when dealing with conflicts. Consider
the other person’s story and way of thinking. It helps to
step into their shoes.
Then, and though Foster very strongly stresses that this
book is not a psychiatry manual and that you shouldn’t make
armchair diagnoses, understand that there are several basic
kinds of office schmucks you might encounter in your
worklife.
Narcissists – up to 75 percent of which are men – thrive on
compliments and hate being ignored. The “Venus Flytrap”
loves chaotic and unstable relationships (think: Fatal
Attraction). The Swindler only cares about the deal, and
only if it benefits himself. “The Bean Counter” is obsessive
and has difficulty letting things go, while Distracted
people let go too easily. And then there are those with
serious substance abuse problems, undiagnosed illnesses,
true cultural differences, or just plain eccentricities.
Finally, says Foster, when you’re angry and digging for any
possible reason to lend a shred of compassion, don’t
forget to look inside.
“Go get the mirror,” she says. “Hurry.”
And then go back and read the chapter entitled “Important
Disclaimers.” As you’re reading The Schmuck in My Office,
you can’t keep them in mind enough.
That’s because using real psychiatric diagnoses to battle an
office pest can be fraught with danger, and author Jody J.
Foster (with Michelle Joy) is careful to repeatedly warn
readers of this. Yes, the possibilities are undeniably
interesting and can explain so much, and it’s the rare
person who hasn’t smugly rattled off a layman’s diagnosis
for an office bother, but remembering that “There is an
important distinction between personality traits… and
personality disorders” is the key to using this book.
It helps that the authors also offer end-of-chapter hints
for both workers and bosses, too.
Though it’s not a handbook, this is fascinating. It
may even teach you some compassion, so it’s recommended for
anyone who works with others, shares an office, or is a
supervisor. The Schmuck in My Office may get you
fired… up.
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