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Yes, I knew these blabbermouths would promise secrecy
but deep in my heart I knew they were loose cannons and
could not help themselves spreading political tidbits among
the social media and from ear to ear.
Nonetheless, I fed these information junkies all they
could handle and especially with what has happened in the
past few weeks.
As you know, this crazy election cycle for mayor has a
bushel-basket full of candidates, some nice and some not so
nice.
Well, somehow it got out to these mayor wannabees that I had
a pretty well-established gossip line of communicators and
apparently they wanted in on the action by me throwing my
communicators some new juice about them.
I did and now, looking back, I should not have done so
because when it was all said and done, these candidates
poured out their hearts and bared their souls and I, with no
honor or with any shame, violated their trust and spewed out
certain things they said to me and passed it on to others.
After hours of anguish and hours of missed sleep and with
my stomach in knots, I decided it was best to make a clean
break and simply let the chips fall where they may and tell
my dear readers the full story of what was said so that you
may get it first hand from the proverbial, “horse’s mouth”.
So, in no particular order, is the summary of what
these candidates said to me in order to get access to my
blabber mouth sources with the hopes that they could pick up
a few votes in what appears could be a very tight mayoral
race.
Carty Finkbeiner: Carty came to my office
already cussing up a blue streak since the elevator stalled
on him and he was stranded for about a half hour before help
came and let him out. He was contrite about calling Mike
Bell (at that time the fire chief) KING KONG! and wanted me
to pass that contrition on to my readers.
When asked about the negative budget balance that he
left behind when he left office, again, Carty cussed up the
Devil and blamed everyone but himself for that negative cash
flow situation.
When asked about his legendary tantrums with his staff
and city employees, Carty let go with such a non-stop litany
of ********! and #=x@*&#(&*!, that I had to cover my ears!
When he finally left my office, I had to wash out my ears
with soap…it was that bad.
When asked about the slogan, “Carty gets the job
done!,” I asked him what jobs were accomplished and again,
his answers were dire threats and
shaking fingers and a loud monologue of how great he was.
Mike Bell:
True to form, Mike came dressed in his trademark 20-gallon
tan Stetson cowboy hat, biker jacket and smartly tattered
jeans. He still had an aura of outrage that the Toledo
voters gave him the heave-ho; and he wants to get back into
office to show them that he is more than just a pretty face
and a bag of chips.
When asked about his prior support for Senate Bill 5 as
promoted by
Governor Kasich, Mike became sullen and started clenching
his teeth.
“I was robbed! The governor promised me a golden ticket to
Columbus if I could deliver Toledo but he never came here
and campaigned and hung me out to dry!”
When asked about his seemingly proclivity to go to bars
and engage in
possible touchy-feely conduct with the female population,
Mike went
apoplectic and said he touches only those ladies who say
they want, “The Mike Bell Experience”…nothing more.
Sandy Drabik (nka: Sandy Collins):
Sandy came into my office humming The Ohio State football
fight song thinking that I was a Buckeye fan and that it
would win her some points. It did not. This year, I am for
Michigan. Big mistake, Sandy!
When asked why she went from Republican to Independent
and changed her name from Drabik to Collins and was using
the same colors that her late husband used when he
campaigned, Sandy admitted that running as a legacy
candidate is dicey if you cannot prove that you were a big
part of that legacy! She being the brains behind the throne?
We don’t know that!
When asked what she could or would do different than
the current mayor, Sandy went blank for a moment but
recovered and said that Local 92 (Toledo firefighters)
should take a vote of no confidence in their union leader
since he is adamant about not meeting with the current fire
chief and he is stopping any progress to get the stalemate
addressed.
Mike Ferner:
Mike came in exhilarated from just spraying yellow graffiti
on the office building with slogans about fixing the torn-up
streets. I immediately showed him the door! Didn’t he learn
from his prior graffiti run-in with the law?
Opal Covey:
She came late because she had an overpowering vision in her
car that unless Toledoans vote for her, a plague of frogs
from Swan Creek will overwhelm Toledo three days after the
election. I quickly rushed her out of my office and locked
the door.
Sandy Spang:
Sandy was a no show. She apologized and said that she could
not find my office and also said it was in a part of the
town that was full of transients (?). I thanked her for her
time and crossed her off of my list.
Paula Hicks Hudson:
Paula also could not make it due to her spending 12 hours
every day on a pontoon boat in Lake Erie personally drinking
water samples to make sure that our water supply is safe and
also closely watching her current chief of staff so that he
does not go rogue and change the locks on her office door.
Such drama going on in city hall!
Well, there you have it. I quickly relayed all of the
above information to my channels and as expected, within a
few hours, the city was buzzing with
what was said and who said it.
As for my vote? Simple... don’t change horses in the
middle of the stream or, when pasta is boiling, don’t add
cold water to the pot!
Contact Lafe Tolliver @
Tolliver@Juno.com
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