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Darling, You
Can’t Do Both, And Other Noise to Ignore on Your Way Up
by Janet Kestin & Nancy Vonk
c.2014, HarperCollins
$19.99 / $24.99 Canada
304 pages
By Terri Schlichenmeyer
The Truth Contributor
Ladies should always speak quietly.
They should never interrupt, never exhibit anger or be
impolite. Ladies should always gently defer to their
superiors. They should never ask for anything, but should be
grateful for what they get. Ladies should know their limits.
And, as you’ll see in the new book Darling, You Can’t
Do Both by Janet Kestin & Nancy Vonk, women in
business should pay no attention to any of the above.
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The headlines come at no surprise. Men make more than women
for doing the same job, and it’s been ongoing for eons
because yes, gender bias does exist in many
workplaces. Our feminist foremothers tried to fix that, but,
say Kestin & Vonk, “we still have work to do” and rules to
break.
One of the rules says that we’ll never be successful unless
we work constantly. That’s a rule to ignore, say the
authors; break it, and you’ll learn that the best thing
you’ll do for your career is to give yourself occasional
time away from it. Decide what you need and “strike your own
deal.”
Women are connectors, instilled with a reticent politeness
that can backfire, especially when we heed the “good things
come to those who wait” rule. Truth is, once we’ve become
accustomed to asking for mentors, we learn more; once
we learn to ask for what we’re worth, we earn more:
research suggests that a woman can leave between $350,000
and a half a million bucks on the table during her working
years if she doesn’t know how to negotiate a salary.
Another rule demands that we be “nice” and assumes we’ll
nurture, which could lead to perceptions of softness that
might disqualify us for top jobs. Assertive behavior, say
the authors, is essential in the workplace. You don’t have
to be aggressive, but learn how to toot your own horn - and
if you can’t make music, learn a good work-around.
Know when to ask for help, know what you need, and put the
word “no” back into your vocabulary. Own your
accomplishments. Look for role models who know how to take
risks. And if you want to “have it all,” remember that
becoming a mother can make you a better employee.
I began to feel like a bobble-head doll as I was reading
Darling, You Can’t Do Both. Yep (nod-nod), yes
(nod-nod), uh-huh (nod-nod-nod). Yes, (nod-nod), it’s that
kind of book.
Like their career, authors Janet Kestin & Nancy Vonk begin
their book with a tale of soap, moving forward with personal
anecdotes, cautionary tales from other women, and advice.
The former serves to underscore the latter, which is written
with breezy, offhand informality, yet is curiously
authoritative. That mixed mien makes this helpful, whether
you sit in the farthest cubicle or the fanciest corner
office.
If you’re tired of career obstacles and need guidance now,
this is a book that’ll make you itchy to act and ready to
go. Darling, You Can’t Do Both proves that, in
business, you just don’t have to do it quietly. |
